i would rather let the people around me be happy 
then find someone myself.
i always move away, let distance slide between us and say 
“go ahead”
it means more to you than to me, 
but the pain hurts and bites. 
and maybe this isn’t the time. 
and maybe i am overwhelmingly tired 
and i should be happy with what i have 
but its hard to know whats gone,
if you’ve never experienced it before. 
and i am sure to you it’s a bigger deal, 
i’m just so inexperienced and feel 
so small and childlike. 
and my emotions are running raw
and thats mostly due to lack of sleep
and over analyzing and loneliness
and i shouldn’t let myself feel so vulnerable 
and  should not share pieces of me yet…